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December 29th, 2005

03:36 pm - i can be so dumb so the other day i did something really dumb and well i am still paying for it. so i was really upset on monday cuz ryan had said on sunday that he'd take me shopping with him. well all day i waited for his call and all i got were two phone calls from a number that i didn't recognize and they didn't leave a message so i just forgot about the calls. those were at like 3pm something and 4pm something. well i just figured out that those calls were ryan calling from his dad's phone and i should have answered cuz i would have been able to go shopping with him and all this would not have happened. so anyway, back to that day. i thought that ryan had not called me all day. so toward the end of the day it really got to me and i was really sad and crying and such. and then i did this. sent messages to ryan over facebook... here they are: 12.26.05 9:58pm Allison: yeah so i thought we were supposed to go shopping together today? it is almost ten and i have heard nothing from you. thanks a lot. i can't believe i've yet to hear from you. i mean even if we weren't going to go shopping today i would think you'd want to talk to me. i guess you don't care that much to talk to me. thanks for ruining my day. i thought it was gonna be a great day. but i guess i should never get my hopes up cuz i can't count on anyone. not even you. i really really wanted to go with you today and ALL DAY i was waiting for you to call and NOTHING. i guess i'll just go cry myself to sleep, sadly that won't change the fact that you ruined my whole day. asshole. and 12.26.05 11:19pm Allison: i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you looking back at these i don't feel the same way i did and i can't believe i sent these to my boyfriend. but i was upset and not thinking so i sent them out. he called me that night about 10 minutes after i sent these out and i thought maybe he had read them but he had not. so i talked to him well cried a lot also but i didn't mention the messages to him. then we planned to go shopping the next day so we went to sleep and i kind of forgot about the messages cuz i was already feeling a bit better. and the next day we went shopping and then the day after that he went home and that night (last night) ryan checked facebook and saw the messages. now i didn't know this when i called him at 1:30am to say goodnight. i actually woke him up cuz he had to work early so was in bed early. i said goonight to him and he didn't mention that he'd read the messages. so this morning i was like "omg the facebook messages! i hope he hasn't seen them. i need to go check and if he hasn't seen them i will write another and explain.." and such. well it turns out he had checked them and he had replied with: 12.28.05 11:51pm Ryan: After reading that I kind of want to break up with you. And before you go on thinking that's oh such a rash statement, imagine receiving an email from me ending like that. After over 2 years you can say things like that. I think maybe we need to do some thinking. I'll admit, I have my faults. I'm sorry sometimes I yell at you with no good reason. But I called you, the calls evidently didn't go through but I called you, and regardless you assume I did nothing. I try my best to fulfill my promises and I think I do a decent job. I'm sorry my calls didn't go through. It's even more sad that I have to sit down and read this after I've seen you and I think everything is fine. I'm so glad you consider what you write to your boyfriend before you send it. Do all girlfriends do this? Enough. I don't want to talk about this anymore. and 12.28.05 11:51pm Ryan: We're through. now of course these horrified me. so i replied to one with 12.29.05 1:46pm Allison: i'm just gonna write a response to this and the other message here and not reply to both separately. i'd call you right now but i'm pretty sure you are at work. first unrelated to these messages i'm sorry i woke you up last night. i always call you before i go to sleep and i didn't know you were sleeping and had to wake up early for work. i would not have call had i known that. i like to say goodnight to you, you know that. and about these messages. i should not have sent them to you. i should have written to livejournal or something else like that because it's not your fault that i can be such a jerk. i was really really upset and i should not talk to you in a written permanent form such as this when i am like that. but i do cuz i hurt so bad that i just naturally want to hurt the person who made me feel so bad. which is not what i should do. that's not right. i just get hurt really easily when it comes to you cuz i just care so much about you. cuz like the people you love you most are the ones who can make you hurt the most. or something. actually i think i'll send an email. this may be long. i'll copy and paste all this. and i did write an email which i shall not paste as it's long and i don't want to share it. and then i called him. he was at work and said he'd call back at his lunch break. which was about 15 minutes later. and we talked and i said i'm sorry and he said he wasn't mad and that he forgave me and that he loves me and i said i love him too. but, it doesn't seem like it should be that simple. he's gonna call after work and i hope we'll work this out. sometimes i can be so dumb. i really shouldn't be allowed to make decisions alone. ugh. i really don't know what i'm doing. baby i'm sorry. i love you. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: information travels faster - death cab for cutie

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December 14th, 2005

07:23 pm - texas i'm going to san antonio, texas tonight (leaving at 3 50 on the bus with the band). yeah and i will be taking a 6am something flight back on sunday the 18th. and that day my mom is picking me up and taking me home. so i will be in b-town on the 18th but i may be very tired from having to get up at who knows what time in the morn. just thought i'd mention this for all who may care. i can't wait! Current Mood: nervous

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December 12th, 2005

06:38 pm - friends ya know, the other day i realized that i have only one friend, and well i don't even know if he truely counts as a friend as he is my boyfriend. well i guess the title implies he is indeed my friend but he's a different kind of friend. enough rambling. i really, besides ryan, have no friends. i have many, many aquaintances, but no friends anymore. a friend, that i go and do things with or just hang out with regularly, or even irregularly. i have not that kind of person in my life anymore. and i know it is my fault, partly if not mostly or fully. ya know i thought that when i got to college i'd not lose friends but make more and keep my old friends. this isn't the case. i mean i haven't really lost my old friends like in a fight or whatever, just in a lack of communication with them. i've never been the type to plan an outing or party, my friends have always done that and slowly but surely they kinda stopped inviting me. i don't know for what reason, i just know that i somehow found out about some event or party they had that i knew nothing about. and things like that really hurt. to find out that your friends were all hanging out without you because they couldn't even think to invite you. i know now that i really need to try harder, as hard as it may be, to see my friends. it's taken awhile, but i really, really, really miss them. i mean it really hurts now; i miss them that much. i mean cuz who am i really with no close friends. i don't feel like anyone. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: 21st century digital boy -bad religion

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August 29th, 2005

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August 12th, 2005

12:24 am - i love you, i miss you, and i will never forget you, jared my lastest crush and one of my newest friends has left this earth where we all live. the story is in my last entry but at that point i didn't know what i do now. i still had hope and life from him. when i came home to see ryan with red weepy eyes and his mother on my couch i knew what had happened since i had last been updated. i went into my room to put away my purse and really to stall cuz if i didn't hear it then it isn't true, right? but ryan came in and sat down and i sat with him and he cried on my shoulder. at first i couldn't cry cuz it didn't hit me. i was just frozen and blank. but as ryan kept holding me and crying i started to think of the last time i saw jared, at ryan's poker night last wednesday, and i realized that was my last memory of him and i started to cry too. i miss you jared and i wish i could have come to see you when ryan did today. i guess you never knew how i really felt for you. i suppose you might have figured it out maybe a little but since i was with ryan you might not have or if you did obviously it couldn't change anything between us. but i really really liked you. a crush, to put it in specific terms. of course ryan knows about it so don't worry. he's accepted it and knows that it really just means i want and would like to have you as a good, close friend. which i did for, well, a short time. i really wish i had been living in seattle this summer cuz i prolly would have seen much more of you. i really would have liked that. i was always jealous when ryan said he was hanging out with you. really jealous. but i have to say i always enjoyed our aim coversations a lot even tho you usually had something better to do so you'd have to end the conversation before i was ready. i really miss you and i'm so sorry this had to happen to you. maybe that sounds bad or insensitive or whatever but i mean it in the most sincere way. this is the kind of tragedy that happens to someone else, like a friend of a friend, but not to you or to me or to ryan. cuz it's one of the more devastating things. it happens quickly and randomly without warning. i'm sure you're looking down on all your family and friends and telling us not to cry, not to be unhappy or to worry because you are safe and ok now. i miss you so much and i know there are others out there that miss you and are hurting more than i am. i've not even known you very long. but i've always liked you and the more i got to know you the more i liked you. and well that escalated into what i call a crush. but this was a different kind of crush cuz usually when i have a crush on someone i'm single and i can do whatever i want with the crush. but here it was different cuz i was not and am not single. been with ryan a looong time now. so at the peak of this i had to kind of juggle the thoughts of you kind of versus ryan. but if i were to leave ryan for you since you were like ryan's best friend it just wouldn't have been a good situation. so after i had thought this out i told ryan about this crush cuz i felt that he should know. at first it did not settle with him too well but i explained and re-explained that nothing would change and that it would be ok and he was then ok with it. after about like.. 3 or so weeks of ryan knowing he kinda joked/made fun of me by saying "o cuz you have a crush on jared" or something... he's said that like twice and i don't remember what the situation was but it was funny. i, and ryan (i think) decided that we prolly shouldan't tell you cuz that might make it weird. i suppose like after long while it would have come out to you (ya know when the time was ok to share this) and we (or i) would have told you. but since that time has not and will not come i had to tell you now, like this. i'm sorry it couldn't have come out when the time was right. i'll miss hearing stories about you from ryan. and i'll miss our sometimes late and always fun conversations on aim. i'll miss your jokes. i'll miss the way you always included me (moreso than ryan did) when i was with all the guys. i'll miss your beautiful face and your tall stature. most of all i'll miss YOU. i love you, jared and may you rest in peace. Current Mood: numb

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August 11th, 2005

07:53 pm - everything's gonna be alright.... right? so i found out the other day (i shoulda updated then but maybe i was too upset...) but i get a call from ryan and i wasn't expecting a call cuz i knew he was out at the ram and he NEVER calls ME when he's out, i call him sometimes but not the other way around. anyway so the fact that he's calling is suspicious. so i answer and he's like "hey" ::space space space:: then "so chris called..." and i know it's got to be something serious cuz he won't just say why he's calling. and he goes on to tell me that his (our) friend jared was on his way back from work and his car broke down so he was on the side of the road. as he's on the side of the road a drunk driver hits his car and rolled the car (geez this is hard to even type) and that jared is at harborview. when ryan called it was liek 10 30 at night and this had happened at like 4 in the morning that day. jared works a very late shift and was coming home from work. i don't remember what ryan said about how he was doing (cuz by then i was in a haze of not believing and just feeling sick in my stomach) but it was a bad accident. that was such a terrible night. i felt sick in my stomach and sad and helpless all at the same time. so soon after that i decided to go to sleep cuz anything i could have done to entertain myself just seemed so pointless. all i wanted to do was go to jared and like keep him safe... not like i could help but that's all i felt i wanted to do. so i lay down and all i can think is "he's gonna be ok. god won't let him be anything less than ok..." and "he'll recover perfectly and be back to normal soon" but i didn't know any of these things for sure. so this was 2 nights ago... so.. tuesday night. kelly IMed me in the middle of talking to ryan on the phone so i told her about it right after i found out. i felt like i had to share it right away so it was good that she was talking to me... but so i go to sleep, actually fall asleep that is, and then ryan calls me at like 1am-ish and wakes me cuz he is really upset and needs to talk to someone. if i had been still awake i prolly woulda wanted to talk to someone too. also ryan had been drinking at the ram so he was more emotional than sober ryan. it was so cute and sad when ryan called me. he had to hang up cuz he was too choked up to talk so he asked me to get online to talk instead. so ryan was talking to me online and saying some of the same things that i had been thinking. like i didn't know what to say back to him. cuz i didn't (don't) know if jared will come out of this fine and as he was. so i just tried to make ryan feel less upset. it was a weird conversation. for once i didn't know what to say and didn't say much. just like on the phone after he told me i just sat there and didn't say anything. cuz there really WAS nothing to say. so today ryan went to go see jared and i haven't talked to ryan. he left around 4pm i think. i'm not sure if he's taking the bus there. i don't know much but i'm sure he'll talk to me and tell me. he told me that chris (who has visited jared) said to him "be prepared." i really want to hear back from ryan about jared. he needs to call me soon. ugh. i wish i coulda gone with but it's just too difficult cuz i'm over here and such. i hope ryan calls or talks to me soon. i think i'm all out for now. crappy. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: thursday-full collapse (album)

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August 8th, 2005

12:06 am - hahaha wow i haven't written in this is sooo long. i bet no one will read it cuz they know i don't use it. maybe i shall start again and keep it up. but i think i say that everytime and we know i don't stick to it. hmm... so really nothing is going on in my life. i think i'm the only one of my friends that has failed to grow up since high school. i think the only thing i have (crap i should change my picture.. haha random sorry) is a long term relationship with a boy, my ryan. i love him so much and i'm glad i have him. well.. i got a permit (my third haha) and i technically have 90 days to get my license or else. i'm not sure what will happen if i don't get it cuz they didn't say. they only said i have 90 to get it. so my mom's always trying to make me drive and i've held off for about a week and a half (some of that i was gone at ryan's for) and finally today i drove some in the mall parking lot to get used to the car cuz i've never driven it/driven period in a loooong time. it would be nice to just drive enought to be able to pass the test for my license then go to school and not drive till next summer. haha hmm... o man so when i went to visit ryan this past monday i got sick on wed night.. poker night. i had a headache and afever and felt like shit. then the next day i still had a fever i was supposed to go home that day but since i was sick i didn't feel well enough so i figured i'd stay till friday cuz then i could get better and go. wel. friday i still had a fever but i did go home. i was on tylenol this whole time from wed night to friday night when i got home. then sat morn i wake up and no fever but i had a sore throat still (it started on thurs). ugh. sucky but today my throat is almost perfect and no fever at all so yeah i feel fine today. and my brother came by to see us today. i hadn't seen him since winter break i think. it was good to see him. i miss him more than i realize. hmm... all friday i was doing small chores (laundry, cleaning my closet, etc) around my room and it was nice to get stuff done like that. i was watching my so-called life like the whole time on my comp.. like 3 episodes i think. if you don't know what that show is then you are lame. google it. hmmm.... i'm hungry right now.. but i don't know what to eat cuz i'm sure there is nothing good or good for me. i actually still have a few things on that list of stuff to do around my room. i am such a procrastinator.. geez.. it's terrible. i think i shall change the picture on my account and say bye now. actually the other way aroung but whatever. i'll write later i promise.... hahahhahehhhjajjajjgjaejja! Current Mood: accomplished

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August 30th, 2004

08:19 pm - yeah so... yeah so besides the fact that i feel like i could shoot someone.. the other day i realized that the day one year ago that i first met ryan had passed. does that make sense?? haha well what i mean is.. one year ago on august 24 i met ryan, my true love. he really is the love of my life. he makes me so happy and i really can see him as the one i spend the rest of my life with. but enough of that talk.. don't want to curse myself. yeah. so everyone is driving me insane. i think the only thing keeping me from going off the edge is not being at home/being with ryan. usually those things happen at the same time but not always. like when me, george, kelly and jenn went up to fort warden. it was funny cuz most of our time was spent in the car and the second most time was spent at safeway. hahaha we were reading 100 sex tips from guys or something like that in cosmo i believe. haha i was like "yup done that, nope that's just weird and wtf!?!??!" haha it was fun. pretty much all we did was just talk. like we walked on trails and on the beach and just talked. good ol' girl's night out. just with a much different scenery. and cheaper too. yeah that was a few days ago.. and actually i had kinda forgot about that until just now.. odd..... but yeah so george had a party on saturday... i think it was sat.. too many parties for me lately yeah two in a row. but yeah.. i'll tell that later... Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: kane hodder-attack on tir asleen

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07:05 pm - hehe this is funny thanks kiera What Does your Personal Dildo look like by Angel_deKay Your Name Your Age Fav Color Soft or Hard? BRa size Shoe size You use it and say Omg...quick..call 911..its stuck What it looks like Quiz created with MemeGen!

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August 15th, 2004

01:25 am - Goddamn internet Goddamn internet that gives up sometimes.. and I was in the middle of talking to jenn and this was Important stuff.. fuck… I feel better now tho after talking to her.. o yeah. And I’m typing this in word and I will add it so you all can see… I didn’t have that great of a day.. but I’m a bit better now.. a bit.. it’s surely not over yet tho… I don’t know why I always get put in these kind of situations.. where either I or the people around me have to choose sides or.. well that’s not the right way to say it.. but.. for simply.. I just get left out all the time. Well not all the time but I’m the one that gets left out when everyone else does something.. and by everyone I mean three people.. I’m not counting two-people efforts. I guess it’s good to say I have someone now that I can count on pretty much all the time to comfort me when these things happen.. when I found out well my day was pretty much ruined.. and I even made it worse by hanging up on ryan.. I called him to talk cuz well I was upset cuz I found out that well.. I had missed out by not my fault on something. So I call and say hi.. and he tells me he’s at skippers and then tells me the exact place he’s sitting at [just cuz he’s weird = )] and then goes right on talking to not me but his family.. now.. he does this often but usually we’re not talking so I don’t mind that much but this time he didn’t even give me a chance to talk and I was the one that called him and obviously I had a reason cuz it was not a planned call (meaning he didn’t know I would be calling). So he’s talking to his family for like.. a minute at least.. and then I just started crying cuz I was calling him to be comforted/just to talk about why I was upset not to be ignored and not given a chance to talk. And when I cry I can’t/don’t like to talk so I hung up on him after he said something to me (of which I didn’t know was directed at me) and after that he then said “are you there?” of course I was.. that’s when I hung up cuz I couldn’t talk but then.. the worse part.. he called back and I didn’t answer. I still was crying so I couldn’t talk but he called like 3 more times but I didn’t answer cuz I left my phone in my room and went in the living room so as to avoid any calls me might make. Cuz I felt bad about hanging up and I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the explanation of why I did without crying. And I couldn’t even tell hi this in person as much as I wanted to I knew I wouldn’t have been able to get through it and really that’s why I said sorry to you tonight ryan that I couldn’t even tell you why I hung up on you. well until I hung up.. I couldn’t take him talking to others while I was on the phone I couldn’t take it again… and even if he had never done that before I couldn’t take it cuz all I wanted was for him to listen, let me talk and not talk to others. And I’m sorry ryan that’s why I said sorry, not cuz I had salty-tear taste in my mouth. {sorry that’a all out of order.. I added some in the middle and it doesn’t fit.. but I don’t know how to mash it into one so try to navigate it} Damn. I cried a lot today. Quality and quantity. But I think I’m ok now. But maybe not. I feel bad I kinda took it out on jenn. I mean I didn’t like “yell” at her online I just said a couple things that kinda attacked her but I didn’t mean them to attack I just wanted her (someone) to know how I felt and she was the only one I could get a hold of at the time. But prolly bestly her as she would prolly understand it all best. Ya know.. it seems like my friends don’t think I need them anymore now that I have ryan. But I do I always will I need them just as much well more than ryan cuz if he were to go away I would need them but.. not to say my friends are second to ryan. I mean actually it’s the other way around. It’s hard to explain cuz anyway I have tried to it doesn’t come out right and I wish I could explain perfectly but I really don’t think that’s possible. I want to see my friends more than I do and I would ditch ryan damn quick to see all my friends cuz I see him a lot and them not so much. Maybe this will help… Really.. I don’t think I’ve been this upset in a long time… it don’t think it’s fully just what I found out.. but that set it off. I think I was long built up. Ryan could tell you almost fully how upset I was.. almost because he wasn’t with me the full day. But shit it’s late and well.. my internet is not back up damnit so I’ll post this in the morn (but I’ll post it as the time that I actually wrote this.. Aug 15, 2004 1:25AM so don’t get confused) Current Mood: sad

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August 10th, 2004

12:02 am - am i wasting my time?? sometimes i wonder if ryan and i are just wasting our time... but at the same time i think 'well what else would we be doing?' it's just that sometimes when we are together we are just bored... can't think of anything to do and we just sit around.. and i wonder to myself maybe we're just wasting our time. we could be doing something else without each other. but then i know we have good times and i know he makes me so happy and i know that feeling is mutual. we are happy together. more than just happy. we are in love. and before i met ryan i never knew all of what love entails. you can't know love until you have it. i never would have imagined it to be as it is. it's so much better than i ever could have thought. i mean tonight when ryan left i was sad just to see him leave. and i'm sure i will probably see him tomorrow and if not, for sure the next day. but yet i couldn't help but get that kind of sick feeling in my tummy because he was leaving. now this doesn't always happen and i don't know why it did today but it's a complete overreaction for the situation but i felt that way so i let it be that way. seriously i could hold that boy forever. or look at him forever, run my hands over him for the rest of my life and never get bored or unhappy. that makes me happy. he doesn't have to speak nor do i but i'm happy when i'm with him. i think i'm just having one of those moments where you think about your life and wonder what's the point of life.. but not in a bad way thinking that. just a pause to think about all the things i have and don't have and what it all means. i never do come up with the answers to the questions i have in my wonderings. haha it sucks.. but eventually the feeling goes away and i'm ok. sorry ryan for crying tonight.. i know i prolly made it hard for you to leave but i do what i feel and that's how i felt.. it was sad and happy so don't worry you didn't walk away from a terribly sad crying girl. i think i realized that maybe we needed the time apart but didn't want to except it cuz that's the hard way. and lazy people like me like the easy way out. but that was the right way. we need to make sure we have some plan of stuff to do before you come over and get me. i felt bad that i had you come over and then i just bored you. we go through times like this.. well i mean we have before more than a few times. it's just part of our cycle or something haha. and then i go and think this same thing... i don't know if cycles are good.. but they always seem to find their way into our lives. so yeah.. i'm gonna do something then sleep. night! Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: the pale-space to move

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August 2nd, 2004

02:22 am - what a good day... today started out as me seeing jenn to visit with her new car and play with her phone.. and ended with me having a great time with all the people i care the most about (well all the ones i'm not related to). i don't know if it's just me.. but it seems(ed) to me that ryan was meant to hang out/fit in with us.. i mean he's really just like us as far as.. like socially.. pretty much.. we're all dorks (going back to the high school stereotypes) dorks that think we are/really are cool. we're all smart and know how to have fun. we are nice to each other and are there for each other and are all band nerds (from high school). and that's how i see ryan in high school. since i wasn't there i don't know.. but he's about in the same social class/stereotype as us. or was at least. cuz high school is over. but anyway. i had a lot of fun going to shari's and the park and watching movies (the norm for us girls) with (in order of appearance) jenn, kelly, tracie, and ryan. and they all had fun and got along too. and that really made my day.. or... more than that.. just made me happy and even more sure that i have the greatest people as friends and boyfriend. today kinda worked all my lives into one. haha.. the love of my life with the girls of my life and well.. my family life is always somewhere in there so yeah... despite the one trip up of the day (that didn't go as badly as it could) it was a perfect day. (and about that kelly, told you i'm sorry that happened so that's all i'll say about that). but i think that adds to the perfectness.. cuz.. it was a small trip up that kinda included everyone.. but we got through it and.. well it may not be fully over yet.. i don't quite know. but the day included every kind of event/feeling.. hehe. except boredom.. we didn't get bored.. which is a good feeling to not have. well.. it's late and i gotta get up to meet jenn.. or have her get me same thing.. so night!!!! Current Mood: happy

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July 19th, 2004

12:03 pm - ya know.. i can be such a jerk sometimes... and the worst part about it is i fully well know that i am being a jerk while i'm doing it yet i don't stop myself. but i mean.. i guess it's better that i know i'm being a jerk so that the other person isn't like "man you were such a jerk the other day" and i'm like "huh? what are you talking about?" i would know and then bea able to apoligize. but i'd prolly a pologize before they brought it up cuz i'd feel so bad for being so mean. and also i can say that i don't do it just out of no where. i usually have a reason. not that that excuses it but usually the person made me feel bad first and i'm jsut givng that feeling right back to them. that's where it usually comes from. it's just like a natural defense. i think that's why it happends and why i don't back down cuz i don't want to admit that my natural tendencies are wrong. it's all cuz i don't want to feel bad alone. so i bring someone down with me, mainly the one who made me feel bad. and the way i choose to bring them down it either one) being mean or two) not talking/ignoring them.. and well three) both of those at the same time meh.. that's just me for better or for worse Current Mood: blank

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July 18th, 2004

01:57 am - what a great day ya know.. i had a really good day today.. i don't really know why.. i mean nothing like out of the ordinary happened, nothing special or different, i just felt really good all day. i was really happy. well there was one point where i wasn't all happy but we won't go into that. i was just like.. i was happy and felt really good and i didn't get bored at all in my house-sitting and the time i spent with ryan was amazing. kissing him today was just great i mean we didn't do anything different but it was almost like it was new and the first time. that's how it felt. and laying with him seemed better. i guess it's just cuz i was feeling really happy and good that made everything else seem better. i don't know why i was like that but it was great. i'm totally repeating myself like crazy but o well.. i think you'll get the point of how happy i was/am. well now i'm more tired but i am happy too. but yeah.. i just wanted to make note of a really great day in my life. Current Mood: happy

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July 16th, 2004

12:06 am - cell phone me! haha yeah so if you didn't know/didn't hear.. i got a cell phone. this is an exciting step for me. cuz i think i may be known to be a hard person to get ahold of... but now.. that should all be changed.. and no more my mom wondering where i am.. she can now cal me.. but.. well now she doesn't even care.. ever since i got back from college she doesn't even care where i'm going which is nice. but if she misses me and hasn't seen me for 3 days she can now call me cuz we all know i don't call her or anyone for that matter. it's a wonder that a person who hates phones as much as me getting a cell phone. but it's not like i'm the first person ever to get one. one of the last prolly haha... but yeah.. what else has been going on.... nothing.. the house-sitting has been going great. been doing all my chores and in good time too. not any troubles at all i don't think haha. so that's always a good thing. haven't even gotten that bored. well one day i was REALLY REALLY REALLY bored but.. that's over with now so it's not much of a concern to me anymore. when you look back on those times you think "it wasn't that bad" but when you are in the time it's like "omg this is the worst time of my life!!!" haha weird how a little thing like time can change your perspective so drastically. o but yeah.. i like my phone. it's cute and girly but not too much so.. and it does all that i want and more. so that's always a good thing. cuz with the doing more part if i get bored and don't have enough things in my life as it is i can take on one more thing with those.. ya know how that goes. well you prolly don't but i know what i mean by that. yeah so i may or may not be takng ryan to my gramma's for a visit. i haven't talked to her about it so i don't even know if she will be there. cuz for an old woman she is damn busy. i swear she has more friends and shit to do than i do. but i guess it's like they say, (how's it go?? something to this effect) "speed up at the end of your life because there is less time left" i don't know.. something like that.... you know i'm terrible with exact quotes. haah except i think i successfully got one out tonight when i was talking to ryan. it goes "lie down with dogs and you wake up with fleas." but that's beside the point. yeah... umm... i need people for my phone book on my cell.. it's pretty barren right now.. cuz well like i said.. i don't call people so i don't really have any numbers.. so if you read this (the two of you out there) and you think or know i don't have your number.. please send it my way so that i feel like i have friends.. or.. so i'll actually call you haha there's a thought, me calling people. haha good one allison. well.. i'm all outta ideas.. for now.. and....... i kinda just want to get to bed so that i can wake up in the morn and see ryan.. and call my gramma and see if we can hang there for awhile. cuz it's cheap (free), she's old, i haven't seen her in a bit, she's prolly driving my cousin insane, she really wants to meet ryan (as does my cousin) and well... (as i told ryan) we might get some (free) food out of it. ok.. really tho.. night...! Current Mood: thoughtful

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July 11th, 2004

12:06 pm - ryan's haircut.... i'm bored and ryan is at work so i am gonna write something.. and there is one main thing i haven't tackled on here.. ryan's new hair! hehe so he got his hair cut on thursday but i didn't see it until friday. he didn't even tell me until friday. here's the conversation: rJosal (2:15:55 PM): i got a haircut skallapunk (2:16:06 PM): you like it? skallapunk (2:16:11 PM): when did you do that? rJosal (2:16:14 PM): i'll have to ask you skallapunk (2:16:33 PM): i asked if you liked it rJosal (2:16:34 PM): yesterday rJosal (2:16:39 PM): yeah i dont know if i do skallapunk (2:16:47 PM): o... skallapunk (2:16:55 PM): i'm sure you look beautiful rJosal (2:17:09 PM): thanks skallapunk (2:17:42 PM): hehe so since he didn't say he liked it i knew it must look very different cuz ryan doesn't really like change. so i was prepared for the worst.. jk haha i knew nothing could look bad. so he came over that day and i finally saw his new hair. and yes... it was very different. really short all over, and of course no c-hair of which he and i have abolished. at first i didn't know if i liked it cuz ya know sometimes it takes some getting used to. i mean i didn't hate it but it was kinda a shock and i had to wait till i was used to it.. and that happened later that day. i was just staring at him and i was thinking 'damn that is a cute haircut. ryan looks so good. damn he's hott' and i told him right then and there "i really like your haircut!!" cuz it is damn cute... and it's not all outta date like his c-hair was. and i think that any of you out there that haven't seen it will really like it too. it may take a little time but it's great. haha but then it is just hair.... Current Mood: chipper

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July 10th, 2004

06:15 pm - damn i wish this was over... ya know how when you start something, like it may not even be that bad or could even be fun, but once you start you can't wait for it to be over? well yeah that's how i feel about the house sitting... cuz i'm like.. the more time goes on the more chances i have of something going wrong. now not that i think something will, but i'm sure you know the feeling. it's also because for these next two weeks kelly AND jenn are not here. but at least ryan is. and he is so sweet so i have seen him each day of this so far. but i feel bad cuz he's running me around. and we just went to my house for me to get stuff and i forgot the one thing that i was gonna get to entertain me. music! that makes me mad. maybe i'll call my mom and have her bring it and make her stay here for a bit. yeah.. good idea. but when we were just there she wasn't so i'll call in a little bit. o0o0o ryan took me to the mall cuz it was a rainy day and there wasn't anything else we could think of to do. but anyway i got a drink from chaiwalla's and i made ryan try it but he didn't like it. he is weird. how can you not like that stuff!!??!? it's soooooo good! i think it's all in his head. if i didn't tell him or he didn't know it had chai in it he prolly woulda liked it. i'll have to try that one day. anyway... yeah.. so ryan has some surprise for me that he's gonna put up on his website soon. i don't know what it is.. but i could guess. i won't tho cuz i don't want to be wrong or be right and ruin it. but yeah.. he said it's not ready yet and stuff and he totally confused me about it.. so yeah we'll see, hopefully soon. i think that's all... i slept well last night. i didn't think i would but i did so that's good. ok now that's all ttyl Current Mood: content

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July 9th, 2004

10:06 pm - housesitting... so yeah this is my first day (or part of a day) of housesitting... is that one word?? anyway... so ryan came over today and we visited and then he got a call from his old roommate from uw cuz he had left stuff that ryan brought home cuz retarded jon left them. anyway so we went to ryan's and jon got there and got his stuff and then stayed for a little bit and left cuz he was gonna pick up laurel to go to a movie.. so he invited us to come. so we went out to poulsbo to watch anchorman... i didn't really care to see the movie and i've been all retarded and moody lately so i didn't enjoy the movie at all.. but i don't really want to go into that... yeah..... it wasn't good... sorry.. ryan liked it... but i did not at all... o welll.... night... Current Mood: sad

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July 6th, 2004

02:21 pm - brandon's bbq haha i feel bad.. cuz we left early. but i do have to say the food was good.. and would have been much better if the burgers weren't so burnt... but the burntness was good.. there was just a bit too much. ewww.. and emily was there. i really don't like her.. she's not fun at all and is just annoying and i know that sounds mean but if you know her you understand and i'm sure feel the exact same way. yeah but we were having fun playing video games and eating and then someone had to watch the 5th element and none of us like that movie so after andrew and brandon were gonna leave kelly said we were going to too. then emily being herself decided to leave and so did that one other guy who i don't remember his name left too. everyone followed the other out. yeah kinda funny yet sad too. anyway.. who cares... gtg Current Mood: blah

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July 5th, 2004

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